Where is this story going?
by Kalow Jager
Summary: A self-insert story that shows just how much of a weenie I am. I scream at every little thing, I am obnoxious, make funny voices, and whiney... God no I am Alistair. No, I am like a brunette fem!Alistair... Please help me. Is that why I like him so much? send help please. Please note this is a crack fic, I am writing this to keep my sanity, my friends asked me to post this online.
1. Chapter 1

**I got bored and upset at a fanfic that had potential but the writer didn't give a sh!t and so it is a politically incorrect sh!t show. Yes I am a bit of an asshole to actual idiots who do not do basic research. Now here I am writing my own shit show that is suppose to be a shit show. **

**I do not own the rights to dragon age, but Wynnie and Katrina are mine, Welcome to a Whimsical Adventure, will I actually finish this fic? We will see. This fan fic might fall under my Crossover Unlimited project, that everyone may join as long as the characters are in character and there are no proper mary-sues. I might need some outsiders opinion on if I should add this fic or not first though.**

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Wynnie and I were walking home from buying groceries. It was not a huge trip, but it was a much needed one. We chatted on about the most ridiculous things, given about how I remember her in high school, I was surprised about how friendly she had grown towards me, as I had been an obnoxious twit. I still was an obnoxious twit, but I actually knew when to be serious now.

"You know what I have always wanted to do?" I said, "Accidentally walk into a pole."

"Ah, so walking into that pole," she point ahead of us, "right now would be out of the question."

"Well, yes, I don't know," I sighed, "I guess that would require me to be an air head, or at least a bigger one. There is something strange about it in shows that I want to emulate that moment, understand that feeling."

"You are crazy," she gave me her half unimpressed and half amused face.

I nodded dipping my head low, "Yeah, tis my life."

"Wait," Wynnies voice was low, she pinched the bridge of her nose.

"What?" I whispered grabbing her shoulder.

It was then that the world slowly started to fall apart. I clung onto Wynnie for dear life and swallowed a scream. We landed hard on are asses, leading both of us to whine in pain.

"No, I thought this was done," Wynnie groaned, before tilting her head back to shout FUCK YOU, YOU TRANSDIMENTIONAL TRANSPORTING PIECES OF SHIT!"

"Thanks," I said dully rubbing my ears, "What just happened"

"I have no fucking clue," she looked done, "it has been about a years since this last happened to me. I end up in random places with random people, get into near death experiences. Welcome to the show, WHIMSICAL WYNNIE'S BIG ADVENTURES!" she flopped forward and then mumbled, "Fucking hell, at least we have food."

We were surrounded by trees and it was dark out. I could not help but stare up and try to get a glimpse of the stars. Part of me wondered if we were still on earth, another part of me desperately wished for something else. "It is kind of like being back in high school, don't you think?" I recalled back to my boarding school experience. The school was in the middle of a forest, and we would camp almost every weekend, or hike around. Sometimes the teachers were terrified if we did not show up for meals.

"Except, we are completely left to our own devices," Wynnie said concerned.

There was a rustling nearby. For fear we sat absolutely still, holding our breaths, I did not even dare to move my eyes around. I thought to the box cutter in my backpack. I quickly rotated my bag to my front and rustled around in it, but before I had my hand on it, something emerged from the bushes in front of us. I let out a terrified scream and grabbed the closest thing to my hand in my bag and yanked it out. Thankfully it was a second best, scissors.

"How strange," it was a female voice, a very familiar one.

"Are you Vala or Morrigan?" Wynnie asked calmly.

"Why prey tell should I tell you," the woman spoke Wynnie and I both seemed to understand who it was quickly.

"So Morrigan," Wynnie said dully. "I am sorry, we are not from this world, and for us it is somewhat like jumping into a fictional story or historic event even though there is no possible way that we could have ended up here."

"Can we seek refuge with you?" I said quietly, lowering my arms, but still holding my scissors tightly, "We can share our food…"

"Morrigan! What was that?!" a male voice shouted, it sounded as if he was running toward us.

"Tis' nothing we should concern ourselves with," Morrigan said firmly.

Morrigan's silhouette built up as the man move forward with a torch. "There was a scream, who are you frightening now?"

Wynnie took charge of the conversation standing up and leaving the groceries beside me, "My friend is just jumpy, I mean she jumps at non-existent bears."

"That was five years ago!" I cried out.

"My name is Wynnie, and this is Katrina," she gestured towards me at my name, "We were on our way home and got lost, would you be willing to let us take refuge with you for a while?"

"Lost in the vaguest of terms," Morrigan said her arms were crossed.

"Well if you want to be cynical," Wynnie waved her arms around, "I mean for fucks sake, look at our clothes. Probably our smell too-" Wynnie was building up a steam roller anger, which needed to end there.

I got up and pulled Wynnie back, "Wynnie, calm down. Even if they don't help us I am sure that…" then a realisation kicked in, "Well fuck, never mind, darkspawn. Can you please take us with you?"

"I guess, as long as you are not too much trouble," The man said.

Morrigan looked unimpressed as she strutted away.

"Oh god, she hates us," I whimpered as I picked up our bags, "no."

"I doubt that," The man said, "My name is Daylen."

"So you are a mage then?" Wynnie did not so much ask as state.

"Yes," He nodded leading us back the way that he came, "I guess you could figure that out from my clothes, but what about you?"

"I am a student," Wynnie said, "I study world history, and archeology."

"Curious, a fascination with the past."

"More like, I want to prevent history from repeating itself, or at very least tell people I-told-you-so," She was very charming the way she spoke, I almost wondered if this was her way of flirting, but I thought better than to ask at all.

"And what about you, Miss Katrina?" Daylen asked letting the last syllable of my name roll off his tongue in a breath.

"I am also a student, but of the fine arts. Of the visual kind. I draw a lot," I felt embarrassed with my fumbling sentences. I purposefully walked behind the two of them, not sure if I could or even wanted to talk with them.

"That is… different," He said.

"Well she does more than drawing," Wynnie said in a scarcastic happy voice, "she sings almost too much, and makes huge messes that she doesn't clean up right away."

"Fuck you," I said angrily, "If you felt that way maybe you should start shouting at me again… or is it Felicia who is stopping you from doing that?"

"Yes, actually," Wynnie said grumpily.

"Well it is boarding school all over again!" I said angrily.

"You two bicker worse than Alistair and Morrigan," Daylen pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Sorry," I said lowering my head, and then mumbled, "I will shut up now."

We were all quiet when we entered their camp. The only one awake seemed to be Alistair, to which if I did not control myself I would be on the ground rolling around.

"Sad child," Wynnie whispered in my ear. I stifled a laugh by biting my lower lip, I was about ready to kill her. She giggled watching my pain.

"We do not have any extra bed rolls, but other than that you are more than welcome to be around camp," Daylen said quickly, "This is Alistair, Alistair this is Wynnie and Katrina. Thank you for taking watch early, good night." He ducked into his tent and then left us standing before Alistair.

"Wynnie, is that short for Winnifred?" Alistair asked.

"No," Wynnie said, she looked done before she began. I stood shaking the groceries, looking at Wynnie, "Don't ask me." She laid down on a log near the fire.

I paused for a moment looking at Alistair, and then turned away blushing before looking back, "I have food, where can I put this?" I mumble.

"Sorry what was that?" Alistair looked at with a bit of confusion.

"Do you have a cache of food that I can stick ours with?" I said actually enunciating the words this time.

"I am sorry I don't know if I can hear you yet," He joked.

I looked up and away from him and then spoke in a sarcastic manner, "Well it is good to know that the person on watch can't hear me, I must be the quietest person ever."

"I was just teasing."

"I know," I moaned, placing the groceries on the non-fire side of Wynnie's log before I moved to lay face first in the cool grass. "I am the worst… this is nice grass, I like this grass."

"Please stop Katrina," Wynnie said, "You are giving me a headache."

"Fine, but I am going to get my snacks first-" I got up.

"Just stop talking."

"Alright!" I said with a gravelly voice, rolling my eyes and sticking my hands in the air. "But… can I at least-"

Wynnie groaned, "Whisper, and no spoilers right now, wait 'till everyone is awake. I do not want to explain things more than once… do you have a book?"

"Fine, and yes," I dug into my bag, "Asssssunder," I threw it at her lightly so it landed on her stomach.

She sat up and then mumbled, "Great good to know you aren't obsessed with this world."

"I try my best."

"Aren't you ladies tired?" Alistair asked.

"Nope," Wynnie and I said in unison.

A few moments passed, I was rolling around on the grass.

"Oh, I am going to say it," I said with quiet excitement, interrupting whatever Alistair was about to say.

"Do not," Wynnie said, glaring at me over the book.

"Say what?" Alistair asked curious.

"Statements that can only lead to endless questions," Wynnie said, diving back into the book, "Also, Katrina, don't forget, sad child."

"Who is this sad child?" Alistair asked

Wynnie snorted looking like she was holding in a laugh. I was going to kill her later, I thought as I clenched in my laughter. "It is nothing, just a very dumb inside joke."

I sat up and scooched over to my bag, that I placed with my groceries, and then pulled out my sketchbook and pencil case. I got up to sit by the fire for light. Carefully, I flipped to the second half of my book and then began doodling characters.

"You are fast," Alistair commented, on how fast I filled up the new page.

"I am just sketching, took me about a month to get this point," I held up all of the pages that I had used thus far, "Holy shit, I only have about a quarter left… ugh, does my swearing bother you? Cause I will stop if it does," I was not looking up at him, but I thought I would check.

"No, it is just a bit surprising, to hear a Lady talk like that," His voice cracked a little bit.

Wynnie stifled a laugh, and commented something about my not so lady like nature under her breath.

"Girl- Female- woman, yes, but lady not so much…"

"Or host I find I really don't mind-"

"You are not pulling Tamaki-senpai parallels on me, this is not happening," I pointed at Wynnie.

"I am not even going to ask," Alistair said.

"Good, because you would never want to talk to us again," I said in a nasally voice.

Alistair nodded, "Alright… May I see what you have drawn?"

"Just as long as you don't go leafing through the whole book," I handed it to him, "Also, I should warn you that there are naked ladies in this book." He held the book in his hand for a second thinking before doing anything with it. "None of them are real people if that helps." He opened to the cover, "Wait not there!" It did not seem like he saw my sad child drawing yet, "The middle." I was stretched outreaching for the book, "The front of the book is very embarrassing, please don't look at it."

He flipped open to a page with my drawings on scrap paper inserted, and picked it out and looked at it and then down at the page, "You have a strange caricature style." I he put the scraps back in and flipped some more pages, "Is that a bearded dwarven woman?"

"Yes, where I come from most descriptions of dwarf woman say that they have beards, and I think that they are beautiful, I can just imagine all of the styles that can be worked into them," I sighed happily.

"Right," He flipped some more pages, "Is that a Qunari?"

"Yes."

More flipping, "Is that supposed to be you?"

"Sort of, but not really," I rolled onto my back.

"Is that creature real?"

"No, I made it up."

"Looks like it could be real, other than those wings of course, how is it supposed to fly?

"It doesn't use them to fly, it uses them to travel super-fast."

"How fast exactly?"

"Faster than a horse, not as strong as one though."

"What are these notes about?"

"Mythology from my world," I sighed.

"Your world?"

"Well, aren't you just inquisitive," I joked, mainly to get on Wynnie's nerve, "That will be explained tomorrow. Right Wynnie?"

"Shut the fuck up with your stupid puns," Wynnie said softly not looking up from her book.

"You are just trying to _egg _me on now aren't you?" I sat up and crawled next to her, I wiggled my eye brows up and down. She punched me in the shoulder. "Ow."

"What did I say?" It was not so much of a question so much as it was reinforcement.

"Fine." I fell back into the grass pouting, "I'm gonna sleep then." I curled up into a ball on my side with my back facing the fire.

While trying to relax I felt like I was coming to my rational senses. I could feel a fear and a sadness build up inside of me. How did we even get here, would we ever make it back to earth, I knew that Wynnie said that stuff like this has happened to her before, but she did not seem to even understand how it worked. Then I started to think of all of the people who would notice us missing, those who would miss us, those who I would miss. I got up and then took a deep breath. I felt like I was going to cry, and I did not know why I had not started by then.

"I'm just gonna take a quick walk," I tromped around to my bag, pulled out my box cutter and stuffed it into my sleeve. It was then that I noticed that I had lost track of my scissors, I cursed under my breath. I figured that there was no use hunting for them. I took a deep breath. I began walking away.

I did not turn around, but I heard Wynnie say, "Don't get lost."

Although I had often been concerned that I would get lost, I am not sure if I could recall if I was ever properly lost before. I always somehow managed to find my way in the right direction. I thought about thing in the manner of storytelling, and this felt like it might be foreshadowing for something. That was not an instinct, that was just speculation. Speculation will be my down fall, as it always is.

Once I felt like I was out of ear shot, I began to sing to myself. Not my default song, my default song was the title song for phantom of the opera, it was a song that I had been making shitty puns with, _I will follow you into the dark_. I felt pain in my chest, I hated the agonising feeling. I wanted to just run, run and never stop. If I could not be where I fit why should I have been anywhere? It had been a long time since I felt like this.

"Ironic, is it not?" I spoke out loud in what I considered to be a theatrical voice, "I wanted something so desperately, and here I am, I am a stupid piece of shit. And I am not even really dumb, I am not here because I chose to be. Tragic, is it not?" I groaned.

"Yes, quite." The voice sounded like it belonged to Zevran, none the less I felt like I had just jumped about ten feet out of my skin.

"What the hell?" I screamed.

"Oh come now, your friend with the luscious black hair was simply concerned," His dark figure walked toward me.

"No, no, no. How long have you been here- Never mind don't answer that!" I squeaked taking a few steps back. _Please don't hit on me, please don't hit on me, pleeeeeaaaassssee don't-_

"Of course if you do not wish to go back, so soon we could perhaps…" He sneaked his way right up close to me.

"Nope!" I jumped away, my face felt hot, "Where is camp? That way right?" I then bolted back.

Breathless, I collapsed onto the ground, about a few metres away from the fire. I could hear Wynnie laugh at me, but I was so tired I felt myself slip into a deep sleep.

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**I am an actual dork. Actually though, I am the goofy sidekick archetype with Alistair was based off of, so for all intents and purposes, I am a fucking idiot. Though, I am a smart idiot.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own dragon age, Katrina and Wynnie are mine, and I am a big fat idiot.**

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I awoke to cold air, and my bag falling onto my gut. My eyes wide, I curled up with a painful grunt. "Why?" I moaned.

"We're packing up the cart," Wynnie looked like a zombie, "Come and help."

"There are better ways to wake me up you know," I whined, she lowered her hand to signify that I should just stop talking.

Keeping my mouth shut, I looked around at the team effort. I noted the companions, Alistair, Morrigan, Zevran, Wynne, Leliana, Sten, and of course Daylen. It was strange to see a male warden considering I had only played as a female. Perhaps this was all a construct of my imagination, maybe it was like a Haruhi Suzumiya complex and my god awful obsession with one particular ex-templar. God I was so done with myself.

"I am trash," I mumbled rubbing my face, "What can I do to help?"

"Can you help young Wynnie organize the cart?" Daylen said packing the food.

"Young?" I was still half asleep, I crawled into Bodahn's cart.

"Because there is Wynne," Wynnie said, "and it was getting slightly confusing, 'cause I didn't get any sleep last night."

"Did you end up reading the whole book?" I yawned, getting off the cart in my own confusion to grab a packed bag off of the ground and hoisted it onto the cart.

"Not quite, but almost," she dragged the bag over to what I assumed were the party's things, "and don't worry I explained some things before I got too tired," Her words slurred together, she was mumbling, "But you should do some explaining too, it is so much nicer when I don't have to be all like save me from shit and I can share information that you may or may not know already deal, or will know. Like I dunno, the hoard is going to head to Denerim and not Redcliffe type thing, or like Alistair's mother for instance is not actually dead, which of course neither of these things I have said yet and I do not fucking care right now."

"You need a nap," I sighed, before I awkwardly grabbed a bag from Leliana. I stared wide eyed in a strange disbelief, and my face felt hot, "Th-thanks."

"No, thank you, your help is welcomed," She smiled at me. It felt like in a way game crushes punching me in the gut, or perhaps this was what some people considered butterflies.

"But you guys- your group is very generous for letting us join you for now," I looked down at my feet.

"Perhaps then you should thank our Leader, Daylen, then." She paused, "I was wondering, since your companion showed us your drawings," -I froze- "What exactly you know of us."

"Wynnie, did what?" I asked slowly not needing a repeat of information, blood raced from my face, "I can't even." I turned to look into the cart, she was asleep. I turned back to Leliana, "How much has she told you- all of you. How much has she told all of you?"

"She only showed us your book."

I growled deep from in my throat. How could she? How dare she do that! It was not hers to share. I took a deep breath and then sighed, "Well, why aren't you sceptical of any of this? I mean maybe I do not fully understand your character yet. I mean there is Sten, he is easy to understand, his views and the views that Qunari have are pretty straight forward and are rational to a certain extent. Zevran, I think I understand because of his background and all. Alistair is, while a little bit complex in that he cannot accept certain things cause of situations of resent events… I also get. But you and Wynne as well, are sort of kind of complicated to me." I tried to rush through things not wanting to gain attention to myself.

"You talk of understanding," Her brow furrowed, "what do you mean by that?"

"Well," I sighed remorsefully, "where I come from, this world, your journey, this journey that you and your companions are on…" my voice trailed off as other companions brought the last of the gear and bags to the cart, and began to listen in.

"Please continue," Daylen said, "You could pay us in information and stories for joining us. It sounds like you have plenty of both."

"I- I um," I mumbled, picking at my fingers, "it's an interactive story…"

"Pardon? I could not quite hear you," Wynne said.

"She said," Leliana rephrased for me, "That were she is from our current journey takes place in an interactive story for them."

"What does that mean exactly?" Daylen asked handing his bag off to Alistair who put it into the cart.

"Well, by interactive," I was curling up into myself, I was very scared, "I mean game… it is a game with a few set major outcomes, and some situations that can change the final outcome, to a certain extent."

They were all silent taking in what I had said.

Daylen broke the silence, "So, essentially, you know what might happen in the future?"

I nodded with sucked my lips into my mouth and teeth biting down on them.

"You and your friend can consider yourselves a part of our journey then," Daylen exclaimed happily.

"Are you certain that you truly can trust these two?" Morrigan spoke in an unamused tone, "While this one," she gestured to me, "Is mundane and does not pose as a threat, there is something strange about the other."

"Young Wynnie, seems to be reasonable and quite a thoughtful young woman," Daylen retorted politely he had a bit of a pompous air about him though, "I am fairly certain she is no mage or maleficar. Both of the young ladies stay, even if everything down to their clothes are strange." I noticed that he smiled down on me when I glanced up briefly.

I felt put on the spot as they all turned their gaze to me.

"If this conversation is done, I believe we should be on our way," Sten spoke in a way that reminded me very much of when Wynnie was angry and deadly serious.

Things moved swiftly after that point and then we were off, and Wynnie was still asleep which did not bother anyone. I walked in behind everyone, extremely nervous as to how anything might play out, after a while I grew bored and remembered my phone in my pocket and quickly turned the power off on it. I few moments passed and I began singing under my breath. Not noticing myself grow louder until I belted out "_The PHANTOM~ of the opera is here, inside my mind-_" and then suddenly stopped. I completely stopped. My feet halted. I began pulling at my hair, and then forced myself to walk again. I felt like I lacked some filters and stoppers that most people had, I was not trying to show off, at least I did not think I was, it was funny how someone could feel both pride and shame in their skills.

"That was quite an interesting… tune, yes I think so," Leliana said sweetly, "This story, it sounds quite it exciting the way that you sing it, you do have a lovely voice, I hope you know."

"Ah, well, um," I could feel my cheeks glow, "Well, it takes place in a theatre, specifically in an Opera house, which is a… Opera is a form of musical theatre. The main character Christine is a dancer, but is trained as to be a singer under the phantom of the opera's guidance. He falls in love with her. She ends up in the lead role after, the original lead singer walks out because the phantom causes all sorts of accidents and the new owners do not understand, so now Christine has the lead role in which she gets noticed by a child hood friend, who now actually owns the Opera house. They fall in love and the phantom gets angry and drops a huge chandelier down and causes the Opera House to have to close down until it is repaired. Fast forward to the grand re-opening, they host a huge party. A masquerade," I sighed like a hopeless romantic at this point, "during the masquerade we find out that Raoul, Vicomte de Chagny, the childhood friend, and Christine, have secretly gotten engaged. Christine now fears the phantom. The phantom, shows up at the masquerade and demands that they execute his musical, that he give them, the way that he demands or else there will be dire consequences. Even though Christine is afraid the show goes on but with a plan that Raoul has to finally bring an end to the phantom. That does not work out, and the phantom ends up taking Christine to his layer deep beneath the Opera house, so that he can try and make her marry him. Raoul runs to save Christine, but then the phantom catches him with a Punjab lasso or whatever it is called, threatening to kill him with it if Christine does not marry him. Christine convinces him to let them both go and then, the phantom runs away never to be seen again.

"The end," I ended taking in a deep breath, unsure of what kind of a response I would get.

"That sounds marvellous!" Leliana clapped her hands together.

"I hope I did the story justice," I shifted around uneasily, "I feel like I butchered it, to be honest. I am not the best story teller, I write and stuff, but, like I do not really talk about them out loud at great lengths…."

"No, it was lovely," her smile was so sweet, and all that I could do was blush and feel embarrassed.

"So, why did you trust me so fast?" I blurted out.

Leliana sighed, "Daylen trusts you…"

"If you do not want to say, or don't know why, it is okay." I mumbled, "I am just a curious idiot, oh so curious, so curious that it may or may not get me killed some day…"

"You are strange, and certainly is intriguing," she stated in a soft manner.

"Thanks," I gave her two thumbs up and a content smile as I nodded my head, "Just a quick question."

"Just one?"

"Just one for now… did… um Alistiar see all of the doodles at the beginning of the book? Including… well… the featurette? 'Cause, I made sure that he didn't before, but after… Oh god I am so terrible, I should not be allowed to draw fan art."

"Fan art? You are a fan of Alistair?" She was definitely teasing, "I can certainly understand why with his silly charms, and his athletic body."

I made a frustrated hopeless trumpeting groan, "That is not answering my question," I said in a higher than anticipated voice.

"Ah, she blushes like the reddest of roses."

"No, please stop, just please answer my question," I whined helplessly.

"Perhaps, I am not certain though he might have. You are not wrong about him being a sad child of course-"

I put my hands in my face, "But he is a wonderful, moronic, cheesey, and I hate myself so much, 'cause I'm just like that except I cannot string two sentences together without fucking up. Please help me."

"Do you wish to speak with him? Perhaps I shall grab his attention for you?" Before I could even say NO, she called him over.

I squealed my protest under my breath, as he walked over.

"What is on your mind?" He asked Leliana.

"Not my mind, no, but our little Kat here," I wanted to strangle her with her own smile.

"So, I am a little Cat now?" I laughed weakly. I shifted gears into hyper apologetic mode, "I am so sorry if you saw the front section of my sketchbook, I am a terrible human being and I need to fall down, and if you never want to speak to me I will completely understand, cause that was me being dumb, and I love joking about things, but I have made a terrible horrible joke at your expense and… and…. My sad children, my weenie club, can I just vanish now? Can I just go back home and deal with all of the shit in art school, and be disturbed by very disturbing performance art instead of this? I will prey to any god if that is what it will take to send me home-"

"SHUT UP KATRINA," Wynnie was finally out and she threw my Asunder book at me. I caught it before it hit the ground.

"Well excuuUUUUuuussse me princess," I said in the dumbest voice possible.

"Your Zelda joke is bad and you should feel bad," she shouted back at me, "Also you are terrifying the sad child."

"GO FUCK YOURSELF!" I shouted back angrily.

"I am not a sad child," Alistair whined, "am I?"

"Well," Leliana searched for the right words, "I can neither agree nor disagree."

"Ouch," he said lamely, "That hurts."

"I AM SO SORRY!" I could not apologize enough, I felt like the worst person on earth, or ever, trivial matters.

"It's fine," he was now fake whining, what a drama queen, "As long as you don't make up any more hurtful names."

"Well if it makes up for anything," I sighed, "feel free to make shitty terrible jokes at my expense."

"Like can I call you, Crazy Kat Lady?" he said quickly, I think he was teasing.

"That would be brilliant if I liked cats, no one has actually ever pulled that one on me. That is clever…" I turned to see Wynnie a smirk growing on her face, "and NO WYNNIE I WILL KILL YOU IF YOU CALL ME THAT!"

Alistair chuckled.

"Fine, fine, I am never going to live this down, the next thing I know, Felicia will also start calling me that and they will buy me cats, they will buy me all of the cats," I bobbed my head as I spoke in a rhythm, "You know what I am pretty sure that I am allergic to cats… I am already feeling sick… this is great this is really great."

Alistair rose an eye brow, "You aren't serious are you?"

"That is just my terrible sarcasm, it's cool- alright. It is alright. Never ask me to be sarcastic please, never, NEVAH AGAIN!" he hates me right I just know it, "sorry I am obnoxious…" I trailed off to then mumble in a gurgle, "and you are really cute and charming and I am just a piece of shit…"

"W- what?"

"Yup, and that is why I will always fail at the game of life," I responded in a calm voice.

"You are a very strange woman, you know that right?" Alistair shook his head eye brow raised.

"Alas, yes, even for where I am from," I sighed. _Don't try to land him, not that you really can, wait was that a reversal of the first conversation with him from the game? FUCK, send help please, I am not okay, okay I am not, what do I do, WHAT DO I DO?! Calm down idiot, you just need to calm down. As much as you want to drown yourself in him, think about this you ain't a grey warden, and you most certainly are not going to have him relate to you the way that you want. Also, he probably thinks I am the creepiest, most annoying person ever. Also Leliana, why, why did she? Is the warden romancing her or… Oh my god, why is he looking at me right now? What is Leliana saying to him? OH GOD NO NOT WYNNIE! I am going to die, no I am going to evaporate or just appear at home or wake up as if none of this ever happened._

"You seem to fluster more easily than Alistair," Zevran snuck up behind me, and I jumped, skipped, and then hopped.

I readied a terrible fighting stance, "Stop doing that!" I screeched.

"But it is truly the only way that I can see your most charming attribute," He smoldered.

"If you are talking about my ass, just walk away right now, 'cause you ain't getting' none hun," I half quoted.

"Come now you are deliciously-"

"NO WAY, I am not comfortable with that, I mean I know that I am… relatively okay looking, just- just don't please. Like I know that you probably hate me for this, but please stop while you are ahead." I furrowed my brow, and then mumbled, "Don't confuse me, I hurt enough as is."

I gained a hand full of astonished looks, Wynnie stifled a laugh.

"Shut up Wynnie the Pooh," I yelled at her, and then mumbled, "Just leave me alone." She had not been tis brutal since high school, and it was driving me mad.

I was not certain, but it felt like we were traveling north, it was rather cold I was glade that I was bundled up when we left for groceries. Groceries, homework, well hopefully Felicia will notice that we have gone missing and call the authorities or something. It would be a viable excuse for not being in class and not having homework done. FUCKing homework.

"_Cause I'm into deep, and I'm trying to keep, up above in my head, instead of going under, instead of going under_, I should not be allowed to have contact with people, I should just live in a hole and never ever, ever, ever leave."

* * *

**Reading week is the best week, I will pay for this later, at least I got some homework done.**


	3. Chapter 3

***Insert opening song – Dog Days Are Over by Florence and the Machine***

"Wynnie," She was cooking breakfast when I walked into the kitchen, she looked like death, "did we go drinking on Friday night? I mean I am pretty sure that I would have remembered if gone drinking, but I feel like I might have a massive hangover, if that is what this is, and it's Sunday. What happened to Saturday? We didn't actually end up in Dragon Age did we?"

She did not look up at me, she just focused on cooking. She was not a morning person….

"Ah, sorry…" I mumbled and then shuffled on into the living room. I grabbed my laptop and then plunked into my favourite chair. Glancing over top of my laptop, across the way I noted black hair sticking up. "Did you dye your hair Felicia?"

"I know not who this Felicia is," I close my laptop in a wild movement, at the voice, "but, tis' not I." I stared at Morrigan, frozen, mouth open, not breathing, I did not know how to react.

I took in a deep breath, gasping for air, "What are y- How did… how did… WYNNIE!" Light headed I dashed into the kitchen and Leliana was sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal.

"Good morning sleep head," Leliana looked like she was about to laugh, "What are you shouting about this morning?"

"What?!" I dropped down onto the floor cuddling my knees, "What is going on? Why is the- Why is…?"

Wynnie was silent as she continued to prod her food in the frying pan.

"Are you okay?" Leliana looked concerned at me. She did not even look out of place, she was just wearing cute comfy looking PJs.

"Okay where- is Felicia asleep still?" I needed some sort of grounding, I was completely lost for rational thinking.

"Felicia…?" Leliana began but Wynnie cut her off.

"Completely gone, there is no trace of her at all," Wynnie looked at me with horrified eyes, "I am kind of terrified right now, because even I do not remember what exactly happened yesterday. This is the first time that I have no idea how I got back, and before you jump to conclusions, yes I have accidentally dragged other people with me."

Leliana's glanced confused back and forth between us, "What exactly are you two talking about?"

"I think we dimension hopped into an AU of our own universe, only with Dragon Age characters, maybe?" Wynnie said, rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand.

"Dragon age? Do you mean the story that Jada concocted for her D&amp;D world?" Leliana sounded confused.

"Jada's story is called The Elvin Trail," Wynnie stated, "Dragon Age was created by bioware."

I heard her talk as I walked to my room to grab my phone, so I could check google to make sure that the world had not gone topicy-turvey. After I grabbed it, I did a double take on my desk, dragon age was sitting right there. I booted up my desktop, grabbed the dragon age case and then walked back to the kitchen. I dropped the case in the middle of the table.

"What?" Leliana put her spoon down into her bowl, and then picked up the case to examine it, "Are you two trying to prank me?"

"No," I said opening the dragon age wiki to Leliana's page on my phone, "Would not have had the time or the resources to make a full wiki, and if I did, I would be working on my own stories," I sighed.

"I don't think I am following, this is just my character for Jada's game," Leliana glared at the page as she read through it, "But no, what does it mean by all of these what ifs? I am lost."

"Did all of the companions follow us over then?" I looked to Wynnie.

"Not a clue," Wynnie sighed, and then turned to grab a plate from the cupboard and flipped French toast onto it from the frying pan.

"So is your name Leliana or…?" This pattern was confusing me.

"Yes," She nodded cautiously at me, her brow furrowed.

Wynnie grabbed the maple syrup and poured a little bit onto her breakfast and then sat down at the table. "So what are you taking then, and which school?" One of our housing requirements was that we all had to be students.

At that moment I heard the front door being unlocked, from the outside. I turned to look into the living room, where the front entrance was, Alistair had opened the door, notice me and gave me a toothy grin. My heart sped up, I instantly held a glowering look, and I turned back to the conversation.

Leliana sounded frustrated, but none the less answered, "I am studying theatre at the U of C. I don't understand why we are going through this right now. This is all very disturbing."

"What's wrong Leli?" Alistair asked as wrapped around me from behind. I tried to shrink away, but I was trapped and uncomfortable, so I stood stock still.

"Apparently, I am from a video game?" She held up the case.

"Did Jada make that?" He asked.

"No, it was made by Bioware, and you are from it too," Wynnie scowled.

"Right," He stretched the word out unconvinced. He then turned his attention to me, leaning his head on my shoulder, "Are you alright? Don't tell me you are in it too right?"

"No," I squeaked loudly.

"What's wrong? Oh…" He backed off of me and then turned me around to face him. His hands resting on my shoulders as he looked straight into my eyes, "Is it because of last night?"

"Uh," I looked around nervously, and then quietly spoke, "I don't remember anything from Friday night up until I woke up this morning."

Alistair looked away for a moment before pushing me to my room and closing the door behind us. It was surreal, so very surreal, I was lost, and felling a little bit hot, sweaty. Nope, I was not okay. None of this made any sense. I jumped at the loud beeping sound that my desktop made when it was finally starting up properly, it was an old server. I nervously sat on my bed.

"What's going on? Why are you acting so skittish? Are you hiding something?"

"You were a fictional character until, today, so this is kind of, very weird," I looked anywhere but at him. I held my hands together in my lap.

"You're joking, please tell me you are joking, this is all a prank right?" He was not convinced.

I noted the log in screen on my monitor, I jumped up and sat in my computer chair and then logged in. "I'm not, I am going to show you the damned game," I grumbled as I opened up dragon age. Alistair leaned over me, hands on the back of my chair.

He was silent as we waited through loading screens to reach my current play through. Unfortunately my computer crashed before I was able to do anything. I hit my head on my desk softly. "No," I moaned, resting my cheek on the desk.

"There, there," He patted my shoulder, "We need to be studying anyway right?"

"SHIT ART HISTORY!" I bolted up right in my seat.

"I brought flash cards," He pulled them out of his pocket.

"You know what I can be bemused later," my voice squeaked every now and again, "Art history is tomorrow, and I need to do half decently to pass this semester." I dove for my backpack and then sat on the floor. Alistiar followed suit.

"Your floor is gross…" He looked around at it disgusted.

I sighed, "The living room then?"

"Morrigan is probably in there," He whined, "Can we just sit on your bed?"

"You are such a sad child," I said mocking him under my breath. "Alright, but no funny business!" I yelped the last part as he picked me up off of the floor and placed me on my bed. "I am like 200 pounds, how the hell did you do that?!"

"I work out," He pronounced every word flatly, and then switched to a mocking whine, "Also you are hurting all of my big manly feelings."

"Well we can have everything in life," I sighed as he flopped down beside me on his stomach.

"Rules before anything goes down, cause for me we have only basically just met, and…"

He pinned my shoulders down against the bed in one swift movement, and moved his face close to mine, "You can stop this joke now, it is kind of getting old."

Panicking I kneed him in the groin, he released me curling up into a ball. I bolted out of my room, ran down the hall, through the kitchen, and into the living room, jumped onto the couch, and hid behind Wynnie. "Help," I whispered to her in a small squeak.

"What is it this time?"

"I don't know how to people, I don't know how to properly explain that us not knowing is not a joke," I shook her arm, "I AM NOT THAT GOOD OF AN ACTOR!"

"You have only just realised that?" Morrigan said not looking up from her book, she was sitting a corner of the opposite couch. "But he is an idiot, if anything I have less faith in his rationalisation than I do in your acting."

Wynnie began laughing at me, "You are also the girl that has been whining and moaning about not having anyone to "cuddle" for the past month and a half."

"I am trash, absolute trash," I moaned. _My name is Katrina Sutherland, and this is the absolute weirdest day of my life_.

"Watching you like this is almost as funny as when you react to well-timed puns," Wynnie snorted.

"This isn't funny though," I ran my fingers through my hair.

After a few minutes of pointless banter and Wynnie laughing at me, Alistair appeared in the kitchen door. "Why did you…" He shook his head rubbing his face, and then looked up in a panic, "Were you actually being serious?"

"Well there is your sad child," Wynnie said she sent him a mocking smile, and then sent it back in my direction.

"Why does everyone always call me that?" he whined.

"The whining for one," Morrigan stated, "and your lack of maturity."

"Says the heartless bitch," He glared at her.

I groaned loud and gravely while sliding to the floor. I did not want to deal with this so I left the apartment in nothing but my PJs, and bare foot I walked over to Valora's apartment and knocked on the door. I heard a fumbling inside of the apartment. After opening the door and noticing that it was me, she asked, "What's up?"

"Shit is going down. The weirdest shit ever, I mean," I waved my arms around, "I don't-"

She stopped me, stared down the hall in the direction that I came from, and then whispered, "Oh my god, look at that guy, he is so fucking hot."

"What?" I turned my head to look where she was, and then whipped it back, "Shit!" I pushed past her into her apartment. Picking up the hint, she swiftly entered her apartment, closed and locked the door in one swift movement.

"Did you have sex with him?" Was the first thing that she asked me. She looked at me in awe.

"N-no!" I spluttered, "No, NO, is that all that you can you think about?! Let's get Katrina laid?!"

"It is a noble quest," She shrugged as she reached for her coffee.

I grunted with disgust. "Why do I hang around you again?

"Darling you know I love you, and as your mother I think it is time to tell you that you are adopted," she said with fake sadness.

I shook my head.

Peony dashed into the room and hugged my head, "How dare you tell our daughter that! You probably just traumatised her for life!"

"Woe is me," I said flatly.

"So what is up?" Peony held me out at an arm's reach.

"There is a hot guy in the hall that is after our little kitten," Valora said sitting down on the couch.

Peony looked concerned for me, "Did he hurt you?"

"No, if anything I hurt him," I said.

"There is our little man slayer," Peony spoke in a gooie voice as she hugged me again, "Wait, how did he even get into the build?"

"I have a theory," I said, "Something weird happened to both Wynnie and I on Friday night, and, AND Felicia has gone missing. I am not sure if I really remember what happened from Friday to this morning and if you remember that game that I have been freaking out about since Christmas…"

"Egg?" They both said looking at me. "Egg?" they looked at each other and then nodded, "Egg."

"Ugh," I struggled to find the right words, "well the characters from that game have somehow appeared and live with Wynnie and I as if they were modern AU versions of themselves. And maybe I was like the… the player character? I dunno…" I whined.

"Dude," Valora looked at me in awe, "is that, that Alistair that you have been whining about all semester? If I knew how hot he was, I would have played."

"Hey, I would have been jealous of a video game, thank you for not telling my girlfriend…"

"Can I borrow it?" Valora said quickly as Peony collapsed into my lap.

"Why do you hurt me in these ways, ma chéri?" Peony moaned.

"Your pain tells me just how much you love me," Valora smiled sweetly at her girlfriend.

"Or how selfish I am…" Peony mumbled. "So how can we help you, my Lady Sutherland?"

"I honestly just needed to get out of my room… I don't know, I feel really confused right now, 'cause I honestly want the relationship thing, but at the same time this is weird as fuck and I probably should not touch it with a ten foot pole. What if things turn out well, and I have to choose between staying here or living in the other world, as much as I would love to visit that world, I would miss everything from this one, family, friends, health care…"

"You are over thinking this," Valora stated.

"Am I really?" I felt horrible, "I might have to think about this at some point anyway."

"Oh my god," Valora groaned, "Worry about that then. How much does he like you… potentially?"

"Head over heels probably," I said quietly, "I mean I am not sure how long or what we have done in the AU so I can't be certain…."

"Keep him. KEEP HIM AND RUN!" Valora excitedly shouted at me, "AND DON'T FOR GET TO DO THE DO WITH HIM! DON'T FORGET!"

"Why do you always do this to me and why are you shouting? He is probably listening in on us," I whined.

Valora nodded at me with a wink, "Yup. Now go get his sexy ass."

"This so morally ambiguous, am I using that correctly?" I looked around nervously, "Do you understand what I mean though?"

"You are conflicted," Peony said petting my hair, "and you don't have to listen to Valora, but this might be a good opportunity to start learning what a relationship is like. I could, be wrong, but you have been whining about this for months on end now."

"YOU SHOULD TAKE IT SLOW AND GO OUT ON A DATE," Valora shouted.

"I am going to do something very nasty to you and you will not even realise what has happened until it is too late," I spoke soft and slowly, and hoped my anger bled through.

"Go on," Valora said, "Out, leave."

"But our kitty Kat…" Peony hung on me.

"But- but she threatened me," Valora faked a small tear, "You take her side over mine?"

"Fine, fine, I'll go," Peony let me go as I got up. I took a deep breath and walked toward the door, unlocked it, and then opened the door.

Alistair was leaning against the wall by the door, "Look, I'm sorry," He sounded sincere.

"Apology accepted," I said closing the door behind me.

"I- I should have been more considerate, and I should have listened," He tried to hid his face, he was blushing.

I could not help myself as I covered my face and fell to my knees, making a sound that sounded close to that of a whistling tea kettle.

"Oh… so everything is alright then? Between us that is?" he seemed to get emotion that I was having.

Moving my hands to myside I leaned forward onto my face, and then slide forward, not caring if I got rug burn.

"You certainly are something else," he said stifling a laugh.

"Thank you," I said, I was now laying across the hallway.

"Y- you should probably get up," he whispered.

"Yup, but the floor is comfy and emotion."

His laugh was so cute, "You're adorable, and we should… We should," he sounded like he was going to cry laugh, "We should study."

"Yeah," I started to laugh too as I got up, "and I'm gonna- I'm gonna to die tomorrow," I choked.

"You'll do better than me," he snorted.

"I can't even say anything on that subject, 'cause I don't know enough about yah yet man," I slapped his shoulder.

We both took a breath to try and stop laughing before we entered my apartment, but we ended up snickering a bit more. I have always loved instant connections like this, being able to just laugh and laugh with another person, no words needed. I was enamoured.

-o-O-o-

I was going fail the midterm, or barely pass it. I was fortunate to have studied a little bit the week before, Alistair on the other hand said he had not studied at all. It seemed like he was more interested in other things, whether it was sex or not I was definitely distracted as well. One fan fiction after another flew into my mind, which made me feel like running very far away. I did not run though, I stayed and asked more questions.

"So why exactly are you taking fine art and not, ugh, something else?"

"I was getting pushed towards engineering by my instructors in high school, but then I met this man who took me under his wing and inspired me," he sounded somber, "He died of cancer last year." I never knew how to act in this situation or give condolences, so I just hugged him. He hugged me back tightly. He took a shuddering breath, "At least I have you." His sadness wrenched at my heart.

* * *

**I do not own anything associated with dragon age, dragon age is owned by bioware. Everything else in this story is mine.**

**I am absolute trash, such trash, this sucks, I suck. Good night and sorry again.**


	4. Chapter 4

The shower poured down on me for what seemed like an eternity as I sat in the tub. I had to be losing my mind, none of this could actually be real. If I was lucky just turning into some kind of wish fulfillment character, ergo everything would be okay, but that made no sense to me. It felt like my mind was being kicked in the most sensitive places. I mean what if I was just some wish fulfillment character, not that I disliked them, but I always felt uncomfortable writing romantic ones. Was this where this was heading? Would it be so bad? Perhaps, but things could end up head first down the toilet at any moment.

My name is Katrina Sutherland and I am actually trash. I am 21 years old, my sun sign sits somewhere between Gemini and Cancer, and I have no clue what my blood type is. I am a fine art student, and even though I would rather be taking design courses or just traveling the world, I need to get my damned BFA first. Two years, Katrina, only two more years.

***Insert opening song – Dog Days Are Over by Florence and the Machine***

I had less than an hour to be out the door so that I could make it on time for my exam. I cursed at myself for sleeping in, then again I preferred 2 PM classes over the 8 AM ones, even if I did stay up until 3 AM again. I pulled my clothes on quickly, and then after a double take at my turtle neck I pulled it on and then my button up sweater. I looked like and absolute dork, but I had no time. Grabbing my pre-stuffed bag and then ran into the kitchen to grab some toast, than ran out the door, but then realised I forgot to lock it ran back, locked it and then finally bolted out of the building. When I got to the train station I had to wait 7 minutes, I was bouncing nervously the whole time shaking my hands. I groaned as I realised that I had forgotten my head phones.

"Oh bella, are you late for something?" Some guy with an accent behind me asked.

Not sure if the comment was directed at me, I ignored him.

"Ah, ignoring your friend Zevran, are you?" He clucked his tongue in a mock sigh.

I turned around and then immediately jumped away, and then half yelled, "Oh my god! The fuck is going on? Have I truly reached the apex of fan fiction hell?!"

He mocked a hurt expression with a sigh and then said, "Dear Kat, how you hurt me with your nerdy insults."

"It is Katrina," I tried to talk flatly, but my voice cracked, "Not Kat." I coughed

"Come now, it was merely a tease," he tried to sway me.

Held up my hand, "No man," I had my voice under control this time, and spoke blandly, "Not gonna play that game."

"I meant no offence," he placed a hand on his chest.

"Just leave her alone Zev," Alistair ran up just as the train approached.

"I think I got this," I said as we hopped on the train, "is cool."

"Oh," Alistair looked a little bit sad.

"Not that I don't appreciate it, I just like," I shrugged, and then grunted out, "I dunno."

"KATRINA!" I heard Ginette cry out from the end of the car, and turned to look at her as she made her way to meet me.

"YOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I yelled back busting a pose, arms in the air and legs read for train surfing.

"How's it going…" She trailed off as she noted my company, "You like you came out of Dragon Age, both you…" She looked awe between Alistair and Zevran.

"Ah, sweet Ginette," Zevran took her hand.

Ginette took her hand back and then looked around nervously, "How the hell do you know my name?"

Zevran looked a bit confused.

"I am pretty sure that there is some AU shit going on, cause like, ugh, I have no idea how to explain, but Wynnie accidentally took me into Dragon Age Origins and then we met the party and then somehow Felicia is missing, and we came back and now Morrigan and Leliana are my roommates and… and… stop staring at me," I scowled at the guys.

"Might I say that I am thoroughly confused," Zevran said.

"You aren't the only one," Alistair sighed.

-o-O-o-

Ginette was thoroughly confused when Alistair came into the exam with us. "Is he even on the class list?" she whispered to me.

I shrugged in response as we walked up to the back of the lecture hall to our normal-ish seats, and waited for the exam to begin.

-o-O-o-

"Well I have no idea how I did, I bet you that I got like 60%. 65 if I am lucky," I sighed as Ginette and I sat outside of the Lecture Hall.

"It wasn't that bad," She shrugged.

"Yup," I agreed, "I just need to actually study throughout the semester, 'cause cramming does not work the night before. Gotta cram like every day."

"Can I ask you something?" Ginette looked at the hall's door, "In a hiding place, like in one of the Galleries?"

"Sure?"

"Fourth floor," she dragged me along.

"Okay, what the hell? What the actual hell?!" Ginette was freaking out, "This isn't happening, they can't be real, they're actors right? RIGHT?!"

"No, not from the looks of things…" I mumbled.

"DRAGON AGE CHARACTERS CAN'T JUST EXIST! There is no logic to this, next thing you know there is going to be a huge ass green rift in the sky and… and mages, and nuclear war fair, and elves, and Qunari, and… and… Did you notice that it was actual elf Zevran and not human Zevran. The ears man, THE GOD DAMN EARS. There is going to be so much confusion and chaos if it is more than just them." She grabbed my shoulders and looked me straight in the eyes. I noticed the mess she had made of her hair, "Does Wynnie have class today?"

"Yes," I said at the same time as my phone, only not as stretch out. We both jumped. I pulled out my phone and checked it, Alistair's name came up, "I didn't give him my phone number, but his is in mine…" I unlocked my phone, and scrolled a little bit through what seemed like endless conversation, and then showed it to Ginette, "Apparently we talk a lot? Like what?" I was shocked and so was Ginette. "What does this mean?"

She took my phone and read through bits and pieces, and then handed it back blushing, "I should not be reading this. Oh god, but you should, sounds like you guys were dating."

"I figured that much the way that he pounced me yesterday," I covered my face feeling a blush rise.

"He did what?!"

"Yeah…" I looked down to the latest message, "…and he is looking for me, w- what do I say?!"

"I don't know!" She squawked.

My phone's notification went off again with another "yeeeeeeesssss" and we both flipped out again. I turned off the sound on my phone at that point and put it into my pocket. "He wants to go out for coffee… What do I say, what do I say, WHAT DO I SAY?!" I was shaking my hands as if I was trying to something off of them.

"Are you guys okay in there?" Someone popped their head in.

"YES!" we shouted together.

"Alright then," she said, and then she left.

"OH GOD WAS THAT…" I started saying loudly but then stopped myself.

"Shianni…" Ginette whispered under her breath.

"WHAT- What the hell," I tried to calm myself, "This is so rad, and so bad."

"What is going on?" Ginette whispered. "You have no classes right, may I come to your place and wait for Wynnie?"

"Well… I almost don't want to say no to coffee with Alistair…" I paused, "that sounds so weird, okay," felt like my voice had turned to fluff, "I just tell him that I need to get something from home first and then you can wait at my place… in my room if you want, just text Wynnie, or I will…?"

I picked out my phone from my pocket, and then texted Alistair back, _Gotta go home and drop off some shit first._

Five seconds later he texted back _I will meet you at the train station_.

"Did he already respond?" Ginette stared at me in awe.

"Yeah, but I text back that fast don't I?"

"I suppose, still creepy though," she said.

We made our way down to the train station, chatting about what all of the characters would be like in our universe. Then we rounded back to my phone. "What exactly read? Did it say we did the thing? Lamp posts…"

Ginette stopped walking and it looked like she was going to die of laughter, "OH god, you need to just read it, I can't tell you! I can't, you have to read it."

I was feeling a bit uncomfortable as we walked down to the station and found Alistair waiting for us… not actually for us… just me… I would just be a shit to say, just me, so… okay let me just get my bearings…

He was so cute the way that he smiled and waved at me. I wanted to lay down on the floor, and just take in the moment, but I kept waiting.

"Are you okay?" He looked concerned.

"What? Yeah," I pulled my turtle neck over the lower have of my face, half hoping to hide the blush and half hoping to cover my face fat. "I am just totally uncool," I mumbled.

"What you?" He pulled down my shirt from my face and I looked towards the ground.

"How's it going… Alistair?" Ginette asked, saving me from certain self-destruction.

"Fine," he said slowly, giving her a confused look.

"How did you find the test?" the conversation sounded very awkward.

"Well, considering I did not study, I am going to have to pray for my ass so I can pass," He picked up momentum.

"What?!" I choked, "Oh my god, that is amazing… why do words…?" I began laughing so hard that I dropped to my knees and curled forward, "Oh my god, I love you- your witty banter." _Shit I have to watch what I say_.

"Is that all?" I was not sure if he was teasing.

"Nooo…" I said quietly, _damn my honesty_.

"Right here you know, gotta say this now," Ginette said eyeballing both of us, "no PDA, hugging is fine, do you realise how awkward it is to be the third wheel?"

"Yes," Alistair and I said in unison, and it made me pause.

"We've had lengthy discussions on this before," I stated, "PDA grosses me out anyway…" I blushed trailing off as Alistair hugged me, and did not let go. Even as the trail came up, even as we shuffled on, and even as he forced me to sit in his lap, he just clung onto me in a hug. I was sure my face was red as a tomato.

Ginette snorted trying to stifle a laugh at me. I pouted at her grumpily, which was a terrible idea because she actually started laughing.

When we finally got off of the train Alistair released me from his hold, but he held my hand. We walked the few blocks to the building in an awkward silence. He insisted on unlocking the door, and we all walked up to my flat.

"You can chill in my room if you want, just text me for my password if you want to use my computer," I hastily pulled my wallet, sketchbook, and a few pencils out of my bag, and then stashed what I could into my purse. I dashed to meet Alistair who was waiting in the kitchen, and then we left.

We were on our way back to the train station, "So," I began unsure of the question I was about to ask, "How did you meet me?"

"Oh, ugh humanities class last semester," he blushed, "I was pushed and fell on you, I was scared that I hurt you, and I thought you were crying, but you were laughing so hard, when I tried to apologise. You said something about being hit harder in rugby, and then you ran away blushing like a mad woman. You had left so fast that you forgot your coat, I ran after you with it only to meet you heading right back to the class to grab it."

"I do that a lot," I nodded.

"You really do," he agreed laughing.

"So is it my coat losing powers that wooed you?"

"You asked me that before, that exact phrase too…" he looked at me curiously.

"So have you then… well, have you… or we…" _I will be damned if I get the lamppost speech_.

"Have we ever, played Jumanji? Have we broken into an abandoned amusement park? Have we ever set fire to the rain and watched it burn? Have we…"

"OH MY GOD," I was going to fall over in hysterics.

"Don't die on me!" He laughed as he grabbed me around the waist to stop me from kneeling on the ground.

"Have you ever licked a lamppost in winter?" I spoke in the most ridiculous manner I could think of, my voice lifting up and lowering with each syllable.

"What? I thought you didn't remember anything, now I am hurt, you big lying… liar," He said with mock hurt.

"I will explain a thing to you once we actually get to the place we are going to be. You can decide whether or not at that point if you will hate me, and everyone else, and if you want to let go at that point, I will just go on crying and reading fan fiction like I always do… minus the crying though…." I trailed off.

"What?!" He looked concerned for a moment, and then some kind of realisation came into his face, "Is this somehow related to that dragon game you were talking about?" he did not sound convinced.

"Yup," I sighed, "Also you need to prepare yourself for possessive fan girls, cause you have a lot of those, and I mean like now I am scared…" I took a deep breath, "This is… you should be scared too… but you know what is scarier than been mobbed by fan girls? Bill C51… Shit why do I always end up in politics land." I rubbed my face vigorously.

Alistair shook his head smiling, and then acted out, "I guess that I just can't help being a pretty boy."

"Pretty boy? Yes, but also the most charming man in the land, also son of an elvish mage and a King, also an ex-almost Templar. All of the girls love ex-templars, both you and Cullen… now I feel awkward…"

"But that is just me in Jada's D&amp;D game" he looked at me shaking his head, but then asked, "So this is all in that game you were trying to show me before?"

"Well, not all of it, some of it is in books, and the other games…" I said nervously, "Don't worry, you can dump me if you want, it doesn't have to be for a rational reason, I am trash, and I don't deserve jack all except a good kick in the pants," I squished my face.

"Wait, an elvish mage is my mother?"

"Yeah, her name is Fiona, she was part of the Grey Wardens, and basically one of the only Grey Wardens to loose what makes Grey Wardens, Grey Wardens. In the game you believed your mother was just a scullery maid or something like that, your mother just didn't want you to be burdened, but asked you be told that she was dead, and that the Warden Commander Duncan to watch over you."

Alistair looked deep in thought. His brow furrowed, before turning to look out the window. I feel like I must have hit a cord.

"Ah, sorry," I leaned forward and covered my face.

"No, don't…" he wrapped an arm around me pulling me close, "It is not usually I subject I like to talk about, but I have never told you or anyone Duncan's name, but I basically grew up, between my Uncle's house and a Catholic boarding school. Duncan basically became my guardian half way through high school, and convinced me to finish so I could go on and do great things."

I thought about mentioning parallels, but stopped myself. I settled with saying "It sounds like you have been through a lot."

"Yeah, nothing like you, miss cheery sunset blush," he poked me cheek, as he came back to his humorous self.

"Hey, I resemble that remark," I teased in pretend offence.

-o-O-o-

We got off of the bus at a small strip mall, and walked into a Timmies. "Okay like this best coffee shop ever," I spoke in a valley girl accent, "'Cause like you know, save my wallet and stuff."

Alistair bought coffees for both of us, which made me rather grumpy, "Here you go, French vanilla." He handed me the cup.

"You didn't have to pay for me, I have a roll up the rim coffee prize thing," I felt like I must have sounded nasally and overly concerned. He looked like he was going to laugh at me "Or maybe I'll just buy the coffee next time," I sighed.

"It is not that much, besides weren't you the one complaining about your wallet?" He teased as we sat down.

"I may be a peasant, but I can afford tims," I said matter-o-factly, but then sunk as I came to realise, "Wait, sorry that sounded horrible, I just don't like to burden other people."

"And that is part of what I love about you, always looking out for others," He smiled and I felt like I felt like a deer caught up in a set of head lights.

***Insert ending theme – Hysteria by Nano***

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**I do not own Dragon Age, everything else in this story is mine.**

**Please tell me if you are listening to the opening and closing please, I just want to know that is all. I kind of want to do an animatic with them for them for shits and giggles.**

**My life currently; So yeah I think this cracked fic is actually keeping me sane, and my mind active. As for school, I feel like I am super unmotivated, cause for two of my studio classes I actually have to be in school to work, and it is getting hard for me to leave for anything other than class, especially if I am working by myself. Yup, I don't want to function like a normal human.**


	5. Chapter 5

It was 3 am and I had just finished my animation homework, all that I needed for my sanity was a glass of water and sleep. I shuffled out of my room and into the kitchen. All of the lights where on, and Leliana was sitting at the table working on her computer.

"I feel so confused," she sighed, her arms rested on the table, hands holding up her head, "This amount of information, even if it varies to fit into that world, it is disgustingly accurate. The faces of friend who do not recognise me."

I twitched, wanting to talk, but having class in the morning and needing sleep.

"But then there is the so called potential futures… Oh sorry you must be tired, I suppose now would not be the best time to talk about this. I should probably sleep to be as well," she closed her laptop and then sluggishly got up, "Good night." She went to her room with her laptop under her right arm.

***Insert opening theme – All Star by Smash Mouth … JK it is actually; In Too Deep by Sum 41***

"All of that work for nothing," I groaned, "But at least maybe I will sleep… or nap…."

"So how did coffee go?" Ginette asked leaning on her hands.

We were sitting in the cafeteria at school, our class had been canceled, and we were just savouring the moment. At least I was too, until Ginette's question.

"I panicked, and told him that I had to go to school and do work… which wasn't untrue… but he said he loved something about me, and I just I don't know. I just don't know," I was half crawling off onto the floor.

"There, there," She patted my shoulder.

"I don't know how to relationship, or the feel the feels, that I feel. I almost regret feeling now that I should pursue this 'cause I… he… we both have expectation of each other, and if I remember from the game he gets blinded by them, which is super evident when you try to make Logain a grey warden. He just frickin' looks at the Grey Wardens through rose coloured glasses instead of actually seeing all of the layers. He is probably looking at me in a similar manner, and if I don't know if I can handle that kind of pressure… Is that the intro to under pressure that I hear?"

"Under pressure?"

"Either there is a glee club now or…" I looked around, "Oh no, don't tell me this is a musical-verse. I love musicals and all, but…"

Ginette looked around uncomfortably before she whispered, "I can hear it now."

"THANK THE FIRSTS!" My voice cracked.

"The firsts?"

"They are…" I dropped my posture, thinking, "Why did I even say that? Story stuff? I should probably just leave the topic for now…"

We went to Timmies, because it was roll up the rim season, and cheap coffee is a substance that supports college students' lives. Regardless of the fact that there was fictional characters wandering around, we just talked about fan fiction. I think we laughed a lot harder than normal.

After a long laugh, I paused and pose a question, "Okay since like the dragon age characters are here now, what is going to happen if the archdemon pops up and a blight happens here?"

"I was thinking the same thing."

"Are we attached to the fade now, or is this just a flat out modern au with basically no magic and no fade, everything is basically the same as it was before, except one small thing."

"Well I certainly hope it is just a flat out modern au, we don't even know if the grey wardens actually have the physical traits of what grey wardens are, even if armies do come and kill the archdemon it is not like they can shatter the soul before it is lost to the darkspawn."

"Oh god, what if they nuke it," I panicked, "everyone is fucked then. The world is gone, the end."

At this point my phone buzzed, and we had apparently been sitting there talking for 2 hours. _Lunch?_ – Alistair.

_We're at the Timmies with all of the tables and the studying and jerks_, I responded quickly.

_K see you momentarily_ – Alistair.

"Alistair is coming…" I picked up my sketchbook off of the table and balanced it on my head, "What do? How do? Can't do? What is this product?!" I was talking rather loudly, and heads started to turn. I slowly started sliding under the table with book still balanced.

"Sorry, I really can't help you," Ginette said.

"I know," my whine sounded as if it was coming from my nose, "I am just yammering. I should probably talk to Emm about this."

My phone buzzed again, _WEDNESDAY WING NIGHT! Come join_ – Emm

"Speak of the devil," I sighed placing my book on the table, and then pepped up, "Want to join wing night?"

"Sure that sounds fun," She nodded.

"Wing night?" Alistair dropped his bag on the table as he sat next to me.

"Yeeaassss?" I spluttered, "Want to join us later?"

"That would be wonderful," He had the dumbest most beautiful grin on his face.

I turned slowly away from him, grinning like an idiot, and slowly began my purposeful descent to the floor. Alistair grabbed my arm stopping me halfway to the floor.

"I was trying to fall on purpose," I whined in my unintentionally dorky voice.

His eyes were wide his cheeks red, "I- I knew that," He yanked me up, "It is just the floor, the floor is not exactly a good place to roll around on."

"Then were is a good place to roll around?" I attempted to joke, but right after I said that I realised that it would back fire.

Ginette began laughing, "I'll just go home then," She stood up, "I think I might skip the wings tonight. See you later, Katrina."

"Bye Ginette," I waved at her as she left. I think this must have gotten too uncomfortable for her, I mean I was definitely uncomfortable. I took a deep breath and then turned to Alistair who was now eating a sandwich. Part way through one bite he noticed my glaze and then blushed right up to the tip of his ears.

"What?" He asked with his mouth full.

"Nothing," I said looking away. To distract myself, I started searching for my pencil case in my bag.

"What are you looking for?" He asked.

"My pencil case, I can't seem to find it…" I looked up, "and there it is atop of the table." I held in a sigh and resisted the urge to place my head on the table. I just sat there slouching.

"You are kind of quiet, is everything alright?"

"I don't know…" I groaned, "Don't all of this feel kind of weird to you? It isn't like I have amnesia. I just feel like I am just in someone else's place, and I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I honestly have no clue how anyone could possibly be attracted to me, I am just this fat gross slob of a human, and then you of all people, you're gorgeous. Why me of all people?"

"You think- what?" He choked, "You aren't fat!"

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" I finally put my head down on the table and groaned, "I'm at an unhealthy weight right now… I need to work out or something…"

There was a rumble and a voice shouted out, "Alistair!" A woman with short cut hair thick dark brown hair, and thick eyebrows appeared on the table before us.

_Love interest?_

"I have finally found you!" She leaned on him, I noted elf ears showing through her hair.

Alistair looked stunned, his arms in the air. I got up and took a few steps away.

"Such an odd place," She exclaimed, "But why… why are you… Alistair?" She coughed and got off of him. "Sorry." She then cursed under her breath with a sigh.

"Are you from Thedas," I mustered up my courage to talk, "how did you get here?"

The elf sat cross legged on the table and turned to me, "Yes, but it is rather hard to explain…."

Another louder rumble interrupted her, I looked around and everyone in the room looked terrified. There was a two very loud pops and then two more figures appeared.

"Sorry for the disturbance," the white haired elf said loudly, "We…."

People started running out of the room, some screaming.

"Kenora, I'm feeling faint, please hold me," the young lady who had appeared the elf said, her face was pale. The white haired elf, Kenora, held onto her by the shoulders.

"Y-you!" Kenora stared wide eyed at me.

I froze, my mind went blank. Very slowly I inched down to the floor and then laid down on my back and then turned over, my arms ridged by my sides.

"Is that Katrina?" The young lady said in a daze, "She doesn't remember us, 'cause I took her memory right before we sent her back."

"E-e-e-e-e-e- EXCUSE me, bu- bu- but, what is going on here?!" I heard Alistair nervously exclaim.

"This dimension is in ruins, and when this dimension is in ruins, so is ours," Kenora sighed, "We have coming looking for the source... and you and this young elf on the table, appear to be something that has leaked through," She sounded a touch irritated, "Fixing this, will be near impossible."

"Maybe this is just something that the Maker has devised to-" The elf on the table began, but Kenora shut her down.

"This is not something that your Maker has hands in," Kenora snapped, "Our existences never should have touched each other. If I know anything it is probably the creator working with the Abeo."

"Oh my god, none of this is happening," I mumbled to myself eyes closed, "I am not a mary-sue, my characters aren't real, and dragon age isn't real, no matter how much I wanted them to be real, and if I were to call the Abeo he would not appear before me… come here Abeo, come here you little…" I squinted for a moment not sure. I was hoping him to be real and standing before me, but at the same time I was repulsed by the idea.

"In the name of my children," Kenora gasped.

"Well, I will admit this is a first," a suave deep masculine voice spoke out right in my face, "impressive, though not very, you are but a mere projection. Alas, your word is still law though."

I opened my eyes to stare into the Abeo's. A small furry beast with a long tail and ears. As often was the case when people looked at my drawings, he could have easily been mistaken for a small wingless dragon.

"So, none of this is real then?" I looked around carefully, examining the room, there were still a few students watching, _idiots_.

"What is real? What is reality? How many truths does it take to make up a lie?"

"Those are good questions, but what I am asking is… fuck, that is not what I am asking… I am such a Mary-sue, the fact that my characters are here… fuck WHAT IS GOING ON?!"

"This is going to make for a great story," Varric's voice traveled into the room.

"SWEET CLICHES OF FAN FICTION HELL..." I was at my wits end, I placed my face back on the ground, "AND NOW I AM QUOTING FAN FICTION."

I felt like I was going to vomit, someone was shaking me. I turned over on my side and then groaned.

"You looked like you were having a nightmare," Alistair said, he was dawning his split mail armor.

"I am not sure, but that was a weird ass dream, I mean we..." embarrassment built up within me, "maybe I shouldn't be sleeping on the cold hard ground.

"We what?" There was a mock tease in his voice. I must have been bright red, which the fire light could not have masked.

"Just a dream... you know how minds wander," if I had confidence I would have quoted the making mad love comment option.

"Oh wandering minds...?" He was prying.

"It is too embarrassing for me to say out loud," I sat up covering my face, I could feel the pitch in my voice highten, "ah," I dropped pitch, and then made a horrible attempt at flirting, batting my eye lashes in a cheesey manner, "Well, I- I am certain that... you... know... ugh... I can't, it wasn't even actually anything" I sqeaked the last part. "I'm hopeless," I sighed, laying back down onto my back and then closed my eyes.

I heared him turn towards the fire. "Of all of the things to call me, why small child?" He asked out loud.

"Unless you want me to critically analyse you as a character, to you I suggest not pressing this subject. Certain things that I know about you probably will shock you... besides the more I like a character good or bad, the more I analyse. Though, if it helps at all you bring joy to my heart," I was falling into a tired stooper.

"Well I am not sure what to make of... most of that... but glad to bring a smile to your face,"

"Smiles are important," I mumble no longer thinking, "especially big lovely dovey ones..."

The next morning I woke up to Wynnie gently kicking my side, "hey, tell me I am not going crazy," she crouched down beside me, the sun was hardly peaking above the trees. "Were we at home for the last few days?"

"No idea, i did have a very vivid dream about being home and a lot of the dragon age characters were there and then my characters showed up and then the Abeo was being an ass..." I was mumbling, before I unintelligiblely shouted out airily, "ABEO! Why did I do that?" I frowned, "I'm an idiot, just drawing attention to my..."

"My, my well this is curious, my dear creator," the small furry beast praced towards us from no where.

Both Wynnie and I flipped out. "WHAT IS THAT THING?!" Wynnie shouted causing the whole camp to look our way. Daylen, Alistair, Wynne, and Leliana all came running over.

"What in the name of andrasta is going on?!" Daylen exclaimed.

The small red beast ignored them, "I do not like being called a thing," the Abeo was such a snob, "Are you not also a snob?" When he spoke to me, it felt like he was not talking to me, almost as if he was talking through me to someone else.

"At times I can be, but... fuck no," I groaned sitting up, "No reading minds."

"Was I? I suppose that I have spent too much time away from those of the mortal persuasion," he climed onto my shoulders. "Hello, I am the guardian beast of chaos, not of here though, this land has enough chaos as is, rather boring if I do say so myself, never quite as fun as when you are causing the whole ordeal," he addressed the growing crowed.

"Wait, is that, that dragon you are always drawing?" Wynnie asked me.

"Not a dragon," The Abeo and I said in unison.

"I made him up when I was in- when I was 14. He was really derived from a dream I had several times where everyone vanished, but all of their clothing remained in piles in the classrooms, when I entered the hallway I was faced with a hazy figure," I rambled growing quieter as I talked.

"Then how did this beast end up here?" Morrigan's smooth voice sauntered in.

"You wouldn't understand," I spluttered without thinking, "I mean I don't even understand, I mean I have no idea…" I started pulling at my hair.

"How can any of us really know why we exist?" The Abeo said, "There is no exact purpose as to why we exist, we don't even need to be real. Why does any, creator, god, or maker, even exist?"

"But the maker-" Leliana began.

The Abeo posed like an angry cat, "Maker or creator, god or deity, immortal or mortal, it matters not. None of us know why we exist, and those who do are fools."

"Let them have their gods, you ding wad," I said quietly, "Not everyone has that philosophy."

"I know this. Human, elf, troll, dwarf, dragon, harpy, guardian, alike with their stupidity, all aggravate me," he then began stretching.

"You can leave now," I grumbled, as the creature vanished. "I am definitely dreaming…"

"You would not believe the amount of times that I have told myself that," Wynnie stated.

"But you don't understand how fucked up this is!" I exclaimed laying down on my face, to then pull grass from the ground.

"'Cause weird shit doesn't happen to me?" She snapped, "Sutherland darling, I am pretty sure that I understand."

"But he came from my head!" My heart was running a mile a minute.

"I think we all need to calm down," Daylen said lowering hands slowly.

"I'm done, just don't fight with me right now, and I won't spaz, I need time to process," I got up and fumbled on my feet away from the group.

"Spaz?" I heard Daylen ask.

"Go crazy," Wynnie responded softly.

We packed, everyone was talking, and I minded my own business. There were times like this when I did not mind a bit of seclusion. Given the space, my mind felt like it was floating in another realm. I trailed behind the group again, this time Leliana made a point of walking beside me.

"So you are a story tell, am I am a story teller, how would you like to trade more stories?" She smile sweetly.

"I am not very good at telling them out loud," I shied away, rubbing the back of my neck, "writing and drawing yes, but keeping up oral traditions is not easy. Unless of course you ask the right questions or I get on an excited rampage… I would love to hear some of yours." I winced at myself knowing that I played the stories several times when playing the games. "Do you know anything of the Dread Wolf?"

"No much, only that the Dalish fear him, even then so the Dalish are a people wrapped in mystery. Nothing more than that I'm afraid, sorry," she said politely.

"Oh, that's alright, just curious, I'm just digging for theories," I shrugged.

"Theories?" She had a bit of a spark in her eye.

"Well, from what I have seen of it in its overarching story from the 5th blight to the- that would be a spoiler," I shook my head figuring out my wording, "or too far in the future I mean. Hell, I haven't even played that game yet… I just spoil myself all of the live long time. Besides the future is not something to be toyed with. Every time I try to look into it, I get really shitty messages. So tarot cards are a big no-no in my book, that and Ouija boards," I felt like I was starting to talk too much.

"What is a Ouija board?"

"You can talk to spirits with them, the only problem is that you can open the veil, and you never know what will come through. Generally, I hear of stories of malevolent things coming through, sometimes they haunt, sometimes they possess, sometimes things already following you talk. Also don't ask me to make one, because there is no way in hell I would make one unless my life depended on it.

"I once read a story where someone went on a trip overseas to Italy, several years after he came home he and some friends went to a graveyard and played with a Ouija board. He had discovered the spirit of a young boy had followed him from Italy, and was talking to him through the board."

"How chilling."

"Definitely," I nodded biting my lip as a pulled my fingers through my knotted hair, not having a comb was getting irritating, "Sorry, I don't mean to talk so much. Just get me on the right subject and I'll talk for hours."

"No, it was quite," She looked up, "Intruding. I would love to know more."

I could feel my face flush, "I really hope you don't ask me to make a Ouija board now, or ever. Though I would be very curious to see how they would work in this universe, with demons having more of a physical manifestation…"  
"Demons cannot take a physical manifestation without a host outside of the fade," Morrigan stated.

"Oh shit, I am never sure on this stuff…" I trailed off in a certain realisation, if Morrigan was ease dropping who else was? I noted Wynnie talking with Daylen and Wynne still. Alistair was off ahead scouting with the dog… and they were running back just at that moment. My fingers weaved together at the back of my head. _I'm just information, which is the only reason why I am interesting, you can say the same about a computer, computers don't have personalities, they just hold information, this is the only reason why Wynnie and I are with them, and we carry vital information about their futures. And Wynnie is way more useful than I am, she has actually played all of the games and DLCs and read most of the books, I am just trash who only reads fan fics and can only think of self-inserts when I should be doing homework… shut up…._

"Maybe the dwarves will have nice warm baths for us," Leliana sighed dreamily.

"Sorry?" I jumped.

"Were you lost in thought again? We should be arriving at Orzammar within the hour," She clapped her hands together.

I groaned, Orzammar was the longest part of the game in my mind.

"What is the matter?"

"Get ready for the long haul, 'cause this trip is one doozy of an adventure," I put on my best cowboy accent and gun hoe arm swing.

Leliana giggled at me, "You are very strange."

"I do my best… just get ready because we are going to be ambush before we get to the plaza," I smiled, "they have a mage… Wynnie you warned Daylen right?" I shouted at her.

"About that and then some," her lips were pursed. People talking to me with pursed lips always made me feel uncomfortable.

Maybe I should have tried it, but I really wanted to jump and hide away in the bushes. The bushes looked like a safe place for me to hide away from my worries. My chest panged for me to leap into them, but my feet told me to keep walking. I remained silent, swinging my arms at my sides.

***Ending "going to the store" David Lewandowski …. [This because I am tired and it amuses me and it describes my whole life]***

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**The only thing that I claim rights to are my characters and my stories. Songs and dragon age belong to their rightful owners**

**This chapters is trash and no one will understand it because I am shoved things from my own stories. Well maybe I do not know, it is hard to say, it is hard to detach myself from something I wrote in the last month...**

PetalsOfSin and Queenylime21 You guys are totally rad, sorry if I completely ruined the story for you, this was going to just be non-sense from the very beginning, and I am probably going to keep writing this moronically. Sorry, I am trash.


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